I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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