DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize