Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
