Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize