don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
