OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
