Little spoons don't ask big questions
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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