How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
