Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
