I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
