saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
