you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
