Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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