i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
