You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
