if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
