Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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