Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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