i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
