This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
