Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize