I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I look better un-naked...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
