i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
