It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
