Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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