I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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