i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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