im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
