people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
