i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
