If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
