420 ftw
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You pole danced in your parka.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize