Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
