wrigley field is MILF paradise
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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