My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Operation Purity has been aborted
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
