He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
