I didn't shave. On purpose
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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