My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize