I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
