Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
