I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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