sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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