I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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