How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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