last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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