you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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