you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
