So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You did what with his pubic hair?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
