you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
