id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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