Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
