My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
