He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
last night I used snow as a chaser
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
