I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize