Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
