We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
