As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
