I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
