Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
