i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
