drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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