You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
