There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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